Scene 03: The Rai Saab Home, Calgary, Alberta, Canada

The Rai household gathered for dinner and it seemed to go very peacefully inspite of the aloo parathas prepared by Roopise. Towards the end of the main course, Mr. Rai cleared his throat, making a loud noise, which makes his family look at him.

Poppa R: Well, I have decided that we take a nice vacation!

Momma R: Vacation? Where to?

Roopsie: Voila!!!! Hmmmmm, lets go to ummmmmm.. AUSTRALIA!!!!! I want to see the Great Barrier Reef!!!!!! [reaches across and hugs her dad]

Junior Roop: No no no!! I want to stay here and finish up my school work!! Am not coming anywhere!!

Poppa R: Arre beti, vaise nahin bolte hain!!! We all should go as family to our native place

Roopsie? NATIVE PLACE? WHERE??

Poppa R: Where else my dear girl? To Balaatkaarnagar in India ofcourse.

Roopsie: NAHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! BACHAO!!! BACHAO!!!!!!!! [faints and falls off the chair]

Momma R: Kya hogaya is ladki ko??

Junior Roop: YAY!!! If it is India, am coming papa!!!!!!

Anyway, Roopsie is carried to her room and the Junior Roop pours a bucket of water over Roopsie.

Roopsie: Where am I? What am I doing? Why am I wet???

Junior Roop: [giggling] Not yet in India!!

Roopise: NAHIIINN!!!! NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!! NO!!!!

Poppa R: What do you mean no? There is a shaadi in the family, and this is the right time for ALL of us to be there!

Momma R: Yeah, we may find a good match for Roopsie too. - but who is this family there?

Roopsie: Oh My GAWDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Junior Roop: Good good, mere line tho clear hojayaga akhir!!! Let me call my boyfriend rightaway!!!

Roopsie: NO WAY!! We are not going to India!!!!

Poppa R: But beti, we have to go, we cannot miss the shaadi!

Roopsie: [hands on hips] Arre shaadi? We don’t have any relatives there, what shaadi do you don’t want to miss????

Suddenly Poppa Rai buries his face in his palms and starts sobbing bitterly. Pin drop silence as the women folk look intently. A tense Poppa Rai looks up, wiping away tears and looks around. Takes a deep breath and clears his throat. The suspense in the air is killing.

Poppa R: [sniff sniff] I cant hide it anymore!!! I have tell you all. I have a daughter and son in India!!!

WWWHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTTT???!!!!!!!!! - Chorus rings through the household as all three womenfolk scream simultaneously, setting off alarms in neighborhood homes

Poppa R: [wiping away tears] Yes, I cant hide it any more!! My conscience is causing me so much pain!!

Momma R: [glaring, looking like a volcano ready to erupt] Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. VVVVVVVVVVVVAAAATTT ISSSSSSS THHHIIIIISSSSSSS?

Poppa R: Well, some two decades ago.. I used to be on Bindaas Bol all the time, and that is where I met her.. on the BB threads.. all of us were a wonderful group that discussed sex aaaaaaalllllllll the time the first time, the different places, positions, places..about cherries and berries and nuts and then we met at a org errrr.. mixer!! [Sighs] We spoke for hours and hours on MSN, En-no-no-enn, Yahoo, Dishkoo.. and we finally ended up having two lovely kids, a boy and a girl!!

Momma R rushes into the kitchen, desperately searching for something.

Roopsie is looking wide eyed in admiration at her Poppa

Roopsie: Wow!!!! [starts to sing] Phoolon ka taaron ka, sabka kehana hai!!!!! India ke hazaaron mein meri behana hai!!!

Junior Roopise: Hmm, what do they do poppa? My step brother and sister?

Poppa R: Well, your behan is running around the trees romancing, and your brother is busy all day discussing life issues on Bindaas Bol, just like his dad did some 20 years ago!

Roopsie: Oh My GAWWWWWWWWWDD!!! On Bindaas Bol? What is his name? atleast his surname???

Before Poppa can answer, Momma comes rushing back with a belan in hand, and Poppa runs upstairs, qualifying himself for the next London Olympics 100 meter dash.

Roopsie: Sigh!!! Now I must go to India!!! Mere behan ki shaadi hai!! But am scared!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! But I wonder who is this active Bindaas Bol Brother???? Oh my GAWDDD!!!!!

Junior Roopsie yawns and picks up the remote.

Roopsie puts her index finger on her chin and thinks. Whom should she call? Hmmmm? Chetz? Or maybe R&W?? Yeah, he analyzes well. Maybe he is the right one to call.
The tensile strength of a door upstairs is tested as Roopsie picks the phone and dials.